Your post is raw and vital. I'm sure you're tired of folks saying they're "rooting for you" from a safe distance. The thing is you're battling a beast so few of us understand, (regardless of what we may claim) and it scares the hell out of us all. Your honesty here might save someone's life through other-side testimonial or don't-try-this-at-home prevention measure. Even if 30-something people had replied, even if no one ever saw it, even if you never wrote it, Dixie is proud of you and SO happy that you're alive.