LJ Idol Week 3- Tsundoku

[fausts_dream]

Hi, my name is fausts_dream, you probably know me from such Sheep Porn classics as "I only have eyes for ewe" and "Ram Tough" but today I am here to offer you something available no where else. That is right, thanks to a special arrangement with Mephistopheles I am prepared to offer you, for your reading pleasure, books that don't exist. That is right, for the low, low price of your second born or a sexual favor of my choosing you can read books you have always wanted to, but couldn't....because they don't exist.

I know what you are going to ask....Do you have "The Winds of Winter" and "A Song of Spring". You betcha. See George R.R Martin may be stalling, but in an alternate dimension he is in hell. And lets just say our motivational tools are better. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

I also have "Desperate Days", a new Stephen King novel written like he wrote them when he was on the booze and the blow, and his editor wasn't scared shitless of him. That's right, it's crazy Steve on a 172 hour bender with an actual editor to tame his meaningless 40 page side tangents. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

I also have "Tweets that are Coherent and Make Good Sense" by Donald J. Trump. One read and you will feel relief that the US and the world are in good hands instead of the pulling-your-own-hair-out terror you feel right now.

In addition if you call my toll-free-number in the next thirty minutes you will get the Late Stieg Larrson's new Lisbeth Salander book, "The Girl Who Took Shit From Absolutely No One".

My offerings aren't limited to the printed page though. For just a few favors more you can get Silver Screen Gems.

Woody Allen movies you can watch guilt free because they come from a dimension where he isn't a sick pedobear. And the centerpiece of the collection. THE ORIGINAL STAR WARS TRILOGY created by Universe # 310'S George Lucas...WHO CAN ACTUALLY WRITE.

CALL NOW! This offer is good for a limited time! *

*Probably it's available forever since I am going to be suffering for all eternity...but they say the "limited time offer" thing is good for getting you to buy.

Comments

[adoptedwriter]

LOL. This was great!

[bsgsix]

Oh, this is quite clever, and I snickered a few times (especially reading the "Tweets that are Coherent" and "The Girl Who Took Shit From Absolutely No One" titles). I'd buy those, haha.

Really well written.

[static_abyss]

Very convincing ad for books that don't exist. Very clever take on the prompt.

[wolfden]

Just so you know, I just paused the TV and read this aloud to my partner who cracked up.

This was awesome.

[tjoel2]

This was great! And being a huge Stephen King fan I love that reference. His first three books could probably fall under that categoery: "novel written like he wrote them when he was on the booze and the blow, and his editor wasn't scared shitless of him. "

[kimschlotwrites]

I’d like to place an order for “Winds of Winter,” please.

[bewize]

Haha! Loved this.

[rayaso]

This was so much fun! I loved the "book" titles and descriptions. What "motivational tools" were used on you to produce such wackiness?

[murielle]

LOL! This took me back to two of my favorite King short stories, The Man Who Wouldn't Shake Hands and The Breathing Method both featuring a gentlemen's club with a most unusual library. :-)

So enjoyable! And of course I want those books!

[alycewilson]

This made me LOL on the sidelines of a chilly soccer practice.

[halfshellvenus]

our motivational tools are better.
I'll just bet! :D

And guilt-free Woody Allen movies... Those were the days, never to be lived again.

Sheep porn and puns in the same line. /o\

Excellent, sir, excellent!

[the_eternal_overthinker]

Bwahahaha...BRILLIANT piece of work. And you must *take a bow*. Well done! Loved the titles. Superb!

[nayanawrites]

This is absolutely effortlessly hilarious. Writers who excel with comedy - have always been in awe of them. I am so much of a serious writer and so the grass is always greener on the other side for me ...

Well Done.

[dmousey]

This was a hoot! Yep, pretty much have given up on G.R.R.M and yes! Give us the Stephen King of Christine and the Stand, of Thinner and Misery.

Uhm, I really liked this piece, lol. 😊✌~~~d